Positive Vibes

Current song: "Crazy Beautiful Life" ~Ke$ha. This is going to be the ultimate summer song this year. I feel it.

I've just read through my last blog and realized that, while completely true, it's also completely depressing and negative. Being the perpetual pessimist that I am, it's no surprise to me that my last blog was so easy to write. I should have "Glass always half-empty" tattooed on my body somewhere. Negative is my default perspective, mainly because it's easier to avoid being hurt and disappointed that way. If I expect the worst, I certainly can't be let down if the worst actually comes to be, and I can only be pleasantly surprised if anything but the worst occurs. Pure logic, I say.

However, today is a day of forcing myself to look into the *cringe* positive side of things, specifically the positive things that have come out of my current life/situation. Since I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people who have at least a similar situation (and outlook) to mine, I think it best that I, at the very least, try to dig out the good from underneath all the bad. So, inspired by the FINALLY lovely weather and in honor of my positive-thinking day, here is a list of the Top 5 Best Things About My Life as it stands.

1) I live rent-free. I really only have my mom to thank for this little nugget of salvation. It would have been very easy for her to not allow me to move home this year or to charge me rent if I did; however, my mom (being the very cool woman she is) welcomed me home, rent free, so that I could slowly put my apparently-fragile financial life back together. The woman should be a candidate for sainthood. Not just for the rent-free living, but for putting up with my negative, hostile, explosive self that has gone hand-in-hand with my negative perspective on my current situation. My mother has always stressed the importance of an individual, women especially, being financially independent. Because of this, I have always been very good with money and budgets and realistic spending, and none of that changed when I moved out. It simply took two jobs and the sacrifice of my personal life to keep up with everything. After a year, I realized what my mother always knew---paying rent sucks, since it gets you nothing in the end, and saving up for something a little more permanent (condo?) is more practical. And thanks to my mom's rent-free arrangement, I am free to finally have a savings account (first time in I can't remember how many years), while still paying all of my bills on time in full. Hooray!

2) I'm losing weight. Living at home, while often used (by me, as well as others) to represent a major failure, has presented a good side to me as well. When I took on Weight Watchers with my mom in November (not my idea), I was still living in my apartment. While I did OK on my own, it seems I do much better living with other people---especially when those other people are also following Weight Watchers. Once I had moved home, my weight loss started to become more consistent and the "diet" started to feel less like a diet and more like normalcy. It's easy to inhale an entire Tombstone pizza covered in Russian dressing and pair it with a giant bottle of cheap wine when you live alone. No one's looking, no one will know, and if you gain weight, you can just say you're bloated. No one has proof or knowledge of your 2am binge besides you. When you live with others, especially those who are also aiming to lose weight, you become held accountable for your actions and intake. It's nice to know that my mom has no problem calling me out for eating the wrong thing or too much of something. And it's nice to know that I can give back the same kind of constructive criticism without fear or negative retribution. Thirty pounds down (each!) and still going strong.

3) I have free time. Moving home has allowed me to leave behind the days of working two jobs per day. While I haven't left the restaurant completely (I just love it there too much, and the cash-in-pocket doesn't hurt either), I am there only on Sundays now. One shift per week that doesn't interfere with my full-time job or my sleep patterns. It makes a huge difference knowing the 5:00 is the end of the work day. I have time to do things for me, whether it's power-walking through my neighborhood, watching my TV shows in peace, going out with friends, actually making it to the bank, or twirling around in circles for no good reason, it's all time that is free for my own personal use. It also frees up the opportunity to eat dinner at a normal hour. No more burritos at 10:30pm after my shift and then going to sleep full and sickened. I now have time to make dinners---healthy ones---and enjoy them. If time is money (which it's not, in my case, but still), then I've received a huge promotion.

4) I have more money! Sort of. This isn't "extra money" that's being frivolously spent or tucked away for a rainy day. This is extra money that allows me a bit more relief than I had in the past. While this corresponds to # 1 (living rent-free), it's not completely the same thing. I am finally in a place where bills don't worry me as much as they used to (with the exception of my medical bills, but that's a whole new can of flesh-eating worms). I even recently decided to "treat myself" to an upgrade in vehicle, since I'm confident that it's monetarily feasible. I've spent most of my life wishing I could afford a convertible and now I can. Happy birthday to me, With love, Self. I was also able to book what I think is the best graduation gift ever for my brother, who graduates college in two weeks. Before now, I would not have been able to afford taking him on a week-long vacation for his graduation. More money equals less worry. And, sometimes, happiness, though not always, I'll admit.

5) I get to wear whatever I want to work. For some, this isn't the biggest deal, but for me it's huge. There is nothing I like wearing less than "slacks and blouses." Sitting at a desk all day in high-waisted slacks and awkward tops and uncomfortable shoes is not my idea of the best way to be productive at work. Today I wear my new Bob Marley football jersey (again), my beat-up jeans, my too-old bird sneakers, a tie-dye headband, and absolutely no makeup. A comfortable me is a productive me, and this is most productive I've been in a long time at work.

So that, so far, is the Top 5 Best Things About My Life as it stands. There are definitely more things that are great and wonderful, but these 5 are my favorite as of now. It does, though I am always resistant to it, make me feel better that I can cherry-pick good things out of what usually looks like a dark sea of madness. For every bad side, there must be a good. Though I have considered most of these situations (living home, etc.) to be failures, they do also have their perks and benefits. Thinking about these perks every once in awhile seems to be healthy, maybe even cathartic. And if anyone is reading, I urge you to post a comment about one of the best things in your life to come out of a seemingly bad situation. Post away, my friends. Post away.

Current song: "Good Vibrations" ~The Beach Boys. You didn't think I'd go without this, did you?