Then & Now (According To Me)

Current Track: "Shake It" ~Metro Station (Look, it's not even 9:30am...I need to wake up. Let it be.)

I'd like to dedicate an entire blog post--this entire blog post--purely to nostalgia. More specifically, 80s nostalgia. For me, this is my childhood. Some of you weren't even born yet, some of you were already grown. (I write this as if others actually read this blog!) Anyway, I felt it only appropriate since not only am I a product of the 80s, but I am a product of the 80s in the (201), which we all know is a special sort of thing. 80s and Jersey are synonymous, so let's take full advantage and rock it with pride. Big hair, blue makeup, and legwarmers for all! (I am so running for president.) Let's begin, shall we?

*Note to reader: I was a CHILD in the 80s, not a whole human yet, so let's not get all touchy if I don't remember the details of Knight Rider or can't name the members of The Pet Shop Boys. I'm sticking to my perception of the 80s...

First up is music.

Then: As a little girl, nothing was more exciting than The New Kids On The Block. Nothing. I can still recite every word to every song to this day, except now I get to laugh at how ridiculous a bunch of skinny, white teenagers look singing something called "Hangin' Tough" instead of swooning over it. I had NKOTB umbrellas, bedsheets, lunchboxes, posters, pajamas, and, yes, the dolls. The Jordan doll actually came WITH the rat tail attached to his head, for those who remember those kick-ass haircuts back in the day. (I later cut it off the doll, since I was upset that only the rat tail was "real hair." The other "hair" was plastic, a la Ken dolls.)

Now: Jordan Knight and the rest of the gang are older and creepier. And for the nonbelievers out there, check out the AOL Sessions videos (http://music.aol.com/video/step-by-step-aol-sessions/new-kids-on-the-block/2227910). At the very least, you'll get a good laugh. They still know (and perform) all of the original dance moves. Problem is, I'm no longer eight and it's no longer attractive. And what's the equivalent nowadays? I guess you could say groups like Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC (but that was awhile ago), so maybe Justin Beiber? Yes. Justin Beiber...add your own thoughts. (My opinion? Love him. Shut up.)

Then: Pop music, in general, was awesome. Although I was young, I had a mom who was heavily into awesome 80s music and who would blast it in the car so we could both sing along. We definitely have cassette recordings (made possible by the lastest technology, my Fisher-Price tape player with microphone) of me singing along to the greats, such as Wham! ("Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" is a household favorite), Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Kenny Loggins, Billy Joel, Janet Jackson ("Miss You Much" is another sing-along family fave), Whitney Houston, Hall & Oats (don't judge), Tiffany, Debbie Gibson (pardon...it's Deborah now), Foreigner, Journey...OK, this list could go on for hours. Point is, all of these people/groups were crazy-popular in the 80s for their music, and all of them were pretty different. The radio harbored a plethora of different sounds--all of which were awesome, all of which were somewhat unique, and all of which we all remember and still rock out to (even if it's alone in our cars at night).

Now: Is it me or is all current pop music starting to blend together into one, big, electronic beat of a song? Most of the things I hear now sound oddly similar to the song played before it (and the song played after it) and it definitely bums me out a bit. Of course, there are exceptions. Lady Gaga has definitely separated herself from the pack, although it's less because of her music and more because of her extracurriculars. I will say, though, that I saw her in concert and was totally floored with how incredible she was as a performer and singer. The same things can be said about Katy Perry. She's definitely a little different, but it's not so much due to her "unique" pop music. As a human, I think she's an ignorant mess, but her music is catchy and her videos are pretty cool and her look turns heads. And her boobs are real--success! But pop music, in general, seems to have spiraled into a depression. It's all pretty generic, it's all been done before. It's certainly no Kajagoogoo.

Next up, television.

Then: I think it's only fair to start with what may be the scariest TV show of all time--Zoobilee Zoo. This Emmy Award-winning fright fest ran in '86 and '87, and left scars on the minds of children all over the nation. Truthfully, I get it. It was another attempt at a children's TV show where they could talk about morals and overcoming obstacles in a "world" that children could enjoy watching. However, these were full grown adults (yes, Ben Vereen, I'm talking to you) in not-so-convincing costumes, who I think would have been more convincing as Stephen King's "IT." I have remembered this show for over 20 years only because it was THAT frightening. 'Nuff said.

Also, who could forget Mister Rogers' Neighborhood? This show is a classic, from the old man sweaters to the train that went...into the wall...to another world of puppets?...to the catchy intro song to the old man himself. Yet again, morals are taught, obstacles are overcome, and there is an adult, but he is NOT in a creepy costume pretending to be something he's not. He's just the naturally creepy pedophile-like old guy next door whose house you cannot wear shoes in. Slippers only, folks.

And of course, the kick-ass 80s shows like "You Can't Do That On Television" (all hail sketch comedy for kids and Alanis Morrisette's rockin' bowl cut), the acid trip formally known as "Fraggle Rock," "Thundercats," "The Smurfs," every Nickelodeon show ever, etc. This stroll down memory lane is brought to you by the letter M.

Now: I'm not 100% sure what all kids shows are like today, but I can tell you that I have younger cousins who watch "Bratz." Bratz is an obnoxious cartoon with girls who have giant skulls and wear way too much makeup for any child to even think about. On the other hand, it's not Ben Vereen in a lion "costume." I know Sesame Street still runs, so that's a plus, but it seems Nickelodeon has replaced it once-loved cartoons and delightfully tacky commercials with tween-aged dramas and, well, crap. I know kids are growing up faster, but geez...do they have to have an episode of "Omigosh, LOL, My Life Is So Hard Because I'm 10, But Text Me Anyway" where So-And-So loses her virginity in the 4th grade??? I'm just sayin'...

Next on my list are fads and toys, things and stuff...

Then: I was too young for Dungeons & Dragons, but I definitely had my fair share of Trivial Pursuit and Uno. And we all had a Rubik's Cube, which we all lost interest in after about five minutes of failure. If you were awesome, you had an Atari and, later, a Nintendo. Pong, Tetris, Duck Hunt, etc. All video games that weren't completely mind-numbing, and you were able to put them down after awhile...unlike some others nowadays. And who didn't play Hungry Hungry Hippos (and accidentally swallow one or two of those little, white, plastic balls) or Lite Brite (and swallow a few of those colored bulbs)? Clearly, I was a semi-dangerous kid.

Being a somewhat girly girl, I most certainly had Cabbage Path dolls (although mine was a hand-me-down), Barbies (of every kind, my favorite being Totally Hair Barbie, whose hair I cut off, thinking it would grow back...it didn't...), a Strawberry Shortcake doll (who, for the first week, smelled like strawberries!), Rainbow Bright accessories, She-Ra action figures, Jem EVERYTHING, My Little Pony dolls, Care Bears (I had the one with the lock on his tummy...who was he keeping out?), Glow Worm, etc. All seriously awesome toys, yes, but one toy outranks all of the above, and more.

Teddy Ruxpin. The reigning king of all 80s toys. In retrospect, we all should have been terrified to have something like this in our possession, but at the time, I found solace and comfort in having this mechanical bear under my arm at night. Each night, my mom would send me to bed with Teddy Ruxpin and a cassette tape. His loud, mechanical mouth would move and his mechanical eyes would blink and, somehow, I felt safe and fell asleep. He told stories and kept you company when you were alone in your room, swearing your parents were downstairs having way more fun without you. Teddy Ruxpin was a friend to many a lonely child, despite his blatant similarity to a Chuckie doll.

Now: Every so often I see TV or magazine ads for children's toys. They are becoming far and few between since electronics have consumed the children's market. Now, instead of asking for the latest doll or action figure for Christmas, eight-year-olds want Blackberrys to BBM other eight-year-olds or World Of Warcraft, so they can talk to kids in Calcutta playing the same game. Cool? Yes. Disturbing? Totally. Do kids ever go outside anymore? We had swing sets and Slip-n-Slides (well, I didn't have a Slip-n-Slide, I had a sprinkler, but my friends had them) and Barbie Cars. I feel like no one plays outside anymore or cooks on plastic kitchens on rainy days. Video games. Cell phones. Facebook. Done.

Last, but not least, everybody's favorite 80s discussion topic: Fashion.

*There are a LOT of 80s trends that have re-emerged as acceptable and fashionable lately, like leggings with big shirts, bangle bracelets, some legwarmers. So I'm going to skip those and focus on what will, hopefully, never come back--but were so rad at the time.

Then: Certain looks are distinctly 80s--even more so, Jersey 80s. First culprit, Jordache and Sasson jeans that button around the rib cage, ended just a little above the ankle (to show off your awesome neon socks), and were so thick and stiff, that bending was no longer an option. These were especially bad when whitewashed or marbleized. And speaking of neon socks, I'm hoping the layered, neon WigWams with the matching neon button-down shirt look doesn't resurface in my lifetime. Everyone's retinas need a break. But, I must say, my all-time favorite outfit always consisted of black, stirrup leggings tucked into huge WigWam socks with white, canvas Keds, topped with an oversized sweatshirt and a gigantic bow in my side ponytail. I was a looker, for sure.

Some other things that we should pray never creep back into our lives are those awful high-collared ruffled blouses. Or any saggy, puffy, or ruffly silk blouses at all. Also, any kind of sweats with the metallic puffy paint (we had tons of these, as my aunt used to make them for us) or anything sporting giant bedazzles. Yeesh. Dropwaist dresses were a huge mistake too. If Molly Ringwald looked like a floral garbage bag, imagine what the rest of us looked like. And I'm happy to say that I haven't seen anyone rockin' the thong leotard with leggings and a belt lately, although I'm sure you can find some at the HILARIOUS Web site: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ Always a crowd-pleaser and full of 80s leftovers.

As far as hair goes, this is the (201) and big hair will never totally fade out, though I'm happy to have graduated from my once gravity-defying, fanned-out bangs and crimped half-ponytails. I'm also happy to have finally thrown out my blue and green mascara and the electric blue eyeshadow--even though I keep a secret stash of it, just in case. Same goes for giant, fabric scrunchies. I'll admit, I have a few in my box-o-hair stuff, but they are strictly for the purposes of sleeping with a comfortable ponytail. And Halloween. French braids, rat tails, banana clips, mullets...all things best left to the memory of the 1980s. Nothing more.

Now: It's hard to discuss/criticize current fashion. What may be totally hot now will probably have me laughing at old pictures in 25 years. Plus, a lot of what's hot right now, as I said before, is circa 1984 anyway, though we've toned down the makeup a bit. Leggings, off-the-shoulder shirts, bangles, and bright colors are in. Bland and beige and plaid 90s fashion is (thankfully) out.

Things I hope go away soon? The enlarged "Snooki poof." I think the world will manage without. Wearing tiny vests with nothing underneath. I don't care how hot you are and how amazing your body is...you look like a hooker trying to look professional. Those one-piece tank-top-tube-top/shorts onesie thingies. What the hell is that? Everyone looks fat. Everyone. They're awful and make me thankful that summer is coming to an end. Gladiator sandals...I'm all for 'em...the ones with tact. The over-the-top, way-too-strappy, super metallic ones? They make your feet look manly. Wearing UGG boots with shorts of skirts...come on, ladies. Have some dignity.

And I think that's enough for now...please add your own modern social commentary!

I love nostalgia. I love memories. And I love the 80s.

And, if you're anything like me (obsessed with nostalgia), PLEASE watch the videos created by "The Nostalgia Critic" for video and commentary on movies, TV shows, and more from our childhood at: http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic

Current Track: "Alive" ~Pearl Jam. Yay!