"My Heart" ~Paramore. (Win.)
This entry is for Joe. For two reasons. One, he asked me to post a new entry, which I guess is reason enough--but there's more. Two, he, of all people, will understand why I wrote this entry the best. So, Joe, cheers.
I would like, if I may, to discuss office behavior. I believe this is something that everyone who works in an office (which is most of us here in the (201), sadly) complains about on a daily basis, yet none of us ever grow a set big enough to do something about it. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to change the office world one blog post at a time...I just need a new forum in which to complain, other than to my other office-working comrades.
I, like most, work in a generic office in North Jersey. My office consists of mostly women, which, I think, is problem number one. Women, especially in an office, "working together"-type setting, become awful, deplorable human beings, given the right motivation. The gossip and mean-spirited things that the women in my office say about the other women in my office are horrible at best. Most of the talk, as with anywhere, really, is spawned from jealousy and insecurity; however, in an office setting, things are amplified--like whoa. We're all within the same four walls for almost nine hours a day, five days a week. Word spreads. Everyone is a double agent. Watch. Your. Back. (Or, at least, your inbox.)
And where does all this gossip and chit chat take place? Why, the bathroom, of course! Women are notorious for going to the bathroom together, and, let's face it, it's not to hold hands and tell each other how pretty we are. It's to talk about whomever we're with or around without them listening in. A bathroom, even public, allows for the semi-privacy needed to say and do what you feel you must with a limited amount of intruders. Therefore, it's the perfect watering hole for gossip-mongers and trash-talkers alike.
I have found myself, more often than not, in a stall in the office bathroom, minding my own business (literally and figuratively), only to hear two or more women crash through the door to pretend to wash their hands so that they can trash talk the woman in accounting's awful outfit, the hatred they posses for their boss and his family, the clever ways they're getting around doing any work, the way they're cheating the clocking in/clocking out system, etc. Some of these women aren't smart enough to check to make sure no one else is in the bathroom before they start running their mouths, which, of course, is how word spreads even faster.
Example: I was in a stall, once again (I drink a lot of coffee), when a small group of women came into the bathroom together. Two of the women took the two stalls on either side of me, while the other two waited. They were already wrapped up in conversation and kept it going while they used the bathroom. So, there I sat, in the dead middle of their conversation, which I couldn't help overhearing, even I hadn't wanted to. (But, of course, I wanted to.) The women,who I couldn't identify by voice right away, we're going on and on about their boss and how he was the worst person ever because he had caught them sneaking out of the office without punching out for lunch, and reprimanded them. The things they said are too nasty to type out, even for me. To clarify: These women were essentially stealing time from the company (getting paid for hours they were not working). What they were doing was wrong in any office, whether you are on salary or paid hourly. They got caught and were mad that their boss did his job and reprimanded them. It was then I realized which boss they were talking about--my father, with whom I just so happen to share an office building. This is the point where I decided to make a run for it. I exited the stall, which brought the conversation to a complete halt, washed my hands, and simply said, "You should really check under the stalls before talking about people." I left.
*Note to reader: I did not mention this incident to my father. It would only have ended badly. Nevertheless, those women no longer acknowledge my existence.
Office etiquette lesson number one: Do NOT trash talk people in your office out loud. (At least wait until your lunch break, when you're relatively safe.)
Another bathroom issue that must be discussed: Ladies, listen up. I know we're all women and we all have the same parts, yadda yadda...however, there is no need to come out of a bathroom stall half undressed and finish up at the sink in front of everyone. If you took your pants OFF in the stall, I'm thinking it's just as easy to put them back ON in there as well. If I can do it, you can do it. Too often I see women stumbling out of the stall still pulling up their pants or skirts, buttoning their slacks or blouses, reshifting their breasts, etc. Yes, I know, we all reshift. We just don't all do it for everyone else to see. You were just in a private stall, where I couldn't see your awful granny bra and tummy flub. If you don't show me yours, I won't show you mine. Keep it behind closed doors. Thanks.
Office eittquette lesson number two: Keep your body parts to yourself, even in the bathroom.
Also, what's with brushing your teeth in a public office bathroom? I saw this happen around lunchtime in the office last week. I went to the office bathroom after lunch and found a woman from a different department brushing her teeth at the sink. The public sink...where people wash their dirty hands...and brush their hair...and wash out lunch containers. *shiver* I was completely grossed out. And she had a full arsenal of tooth care products with her to boot. Toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, a face towel, etc. I was surprised she didn't bring her waterpik and Crest White Strips too. But she had all her products out, laying on the not-so-always-clean sink, and she was brushing--full force, complete with spitting and gargleing and so on. Um...eww. I think this is too much. A little inapproprite, no? Maybe it's just me...but I would rather not brush my teeth all day than brush them in the sink at the office.
Office eiitquette lesson number three: Your office, contrary to popular belief, is NOT your second home. Do not act the way you would in the privacy of your own place. Please, spare the rest of us the visual of your daily routines.
So, for now, there you have my office ettiquette beliefs, the bathroom edition. I rejoice in the solace of an empty office restroom. (It's the little things.)
Kudos to Joe for the inspiration to write it. Woop!
"Playing God" ~Paramore
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